When I Lost My Heart to You

I became completely God’s in one moment in time…in one heartbeat, when I uttered the following sentence:

“Something has to change, and it might just have to be me, because I’m miserable.”

I didn’t know then that the first step is “agree that you’re willing to change,” but I know that now.

Changing isn’t easy, and I often (often) fail. But at least now I’ve got my heart in the right box.

 

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Good After the No Good

Once upon a time, a kid named Alexander had a bad day. I had one of those yesterday, but I’m praying for all involved, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Today, I was back with my church family, and it was so, so good.

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We sang a song that says, in part, “There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning…”

It also says that when the oceans rage, I don’t have to be afraid, because I know that He loves me. And that when the wind is strong and the waters deep, I’m not alone here in the open seas. It’s an older Jesus Culture song:

 

I’m continually undone at how the God of the universe picks me up after something hard and restores His joy to me. Sometimes, it’s just Him loving me. Oh, how can that be? I can’t even accept it without breaking down.

And I’m thankful to the point of being overwhelmed.

He’s a good, good Father.

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Out of Order

Lesson two in the Year of Order is that sometimes, a key to success is doing things out of.

(Order, that is.)

In the Year of Priorities (2016), I discovered that spending time with God is my  One Thing. To help me focus, and be well-rounded during that time, I came up with acronyms to help me. One of those acronyms is “By Power The Lord Helps Me.” I follow that acronym during my prayer time. For example, “B” stands for “Bow the knee.”

Last year, I followed that acronym to the letter, or else. And sometimes, I bogged down and didn’t finish. Doing the Christmas season, I particularly struggled.

This year, thanks to some inspiration from Brother Lawrence and the Holy Spirit, I stumbled upon the practice of following my acronym while I’m doing household tasks, and out of order, if necessary. I am lighter and freer, and I finish better each day.

But not only that, and this the strangest thing: When I focus while doing otherwise menial tasks, and mix it all up, it works more seamlessly and almost simultaneously. And it is deeper, it seems. It’s like I’m integrating Him into life. Again, I’m struggling to explain…

Which brings me to scripture memory for 2017. This year, I’m again following a plan by Beth Moore. I make a small booklet and learn two scriptures a month. It’s that simple.

Last year, I leaned heavily toward two, back-to-back scriptures each month. And so far this year, in the Year of Order, I’m doing them all over the place.

I’ve said it before, but I love it when God surprises me like that.

Here are my two scriptures for January:

First:

1 Corinthians 14:40

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And second:

1 Corinthians 14:33

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Yep. They’re all backwards and out of order…

😆

 

 

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Three Things

In the little, orange box, I put three things to give to Jesus in 2017. It’s my way of treasuring Him. It won’t be easy.

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Here are the three things I put in the box this year:

Yellow

This word won’t make any sense to most people. But Yellow is something I’ve thought of for years. I’m not sure if it’s God’s idea, or mine. So, I put the Yellow idea in the box. I’m giving it to Him. It might be so He can make it happen. Or, it might be so He can help me let go of it. It might need to die. Either way, it’s in His hands. It’s in the box.

Gaming

My college son invited me to play Pokemon Go last July. We started playing together, and I’ve continued after he left for college. I’m at a high level in the game. I play too much.

My beautiful, hipster granddaughter introduced me to Animal Jam, an online animal adventure by National Geographic. I started by just getting my daily spin each day. Then, the allure of the game called me in, and the social interaction with my granddaughter and her little sister was just a bonus.

As 2016 ended, I knew, in my heart-of-hearts, that gaming was stealing hours from me. And with dread, I knew it had to go in the box.

There’s nothing wrong with either of these games. It’s just a matter (for me) of choosing the better thing.

I’m not sure what this will look like, but I’ve already put fences around myself, and I trust God to lead me from here.

My Heart

As much Christmas music as I’ve listened to, I can’t believe that I’m about to say that I heard “Last Christmas” for the first time in 2016. I guess it’s because George Michael died, and his music enjoyed a revitalization. Here’s how the song starts:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special…

Also, like the old-school song, “The Little Drummer Boy,” I really have no gift to bring that’s fit for a King.

I’m struggling to explain this, but for some reason, I just felt I needed to symbolically put my heart in the box. So, it’s there. I gave it to someone special…the most special person who’s ever lived.

But why are you revealing on the front end?

This blog exists for several reasons, and one is just as a writing exercise for myself. Another  reason is for me to work things out in black and white. And in this blog, I practice one of my greatest assignments and struggles:  to be real.

When I finally, truly met Jesus face-to-face (in a manner of speaking), in a strange experience I can’t really explain, the first thing He wanted me to do was cut the crap. I don’t know how else to say that, so I just said it. Jesus demanded that I be real, since He’s the Truth anyway. I certainly wasn’t fooling Him, or for that matter, many other people, as it turns out. The very first step between us had to be me being real.

This is  also one of my most important life lessons, and the reason John 8:32 is my life verse. Learning this lesson was truly the first step to freedom, for me.

But pulling it off was another thing entirely. As the Queen of Pride, and as a person adept at faking it, this was an impossible request. In fact, faking it was one of my best coping mechanisms, or so I thought. I still struggle with it to this day. But thankfully, Jesus is the God of miracles. He’s the only Way I’ll ever do anything.

So, there you have it. Me being real.

So, how’s it going?

I’ve already slipped and fallen in each area multiple times. But I’m not giving up. And He is always there with His hand out to help me up. No, to lift me up.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me…” 

John 14:6, ESV

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me…” 

John 14:1, NKJV

“…And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

John 8:32, NKJV

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Still at That Counting Thing

I’m still counting the gifts.

There’s a book, although I’ve never read it. Back in the day, I occasionally followed the author‘s blog, when it was just that. She got me started. It helps.

I don’t follow her much anymore, but I still count. Here’s my progress so far in 2017:

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If I write down three things a day, I reach 1,000 gifts each year. It’s that simple.

❤️

As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it, with thanksgiving.

Colossians 2:6-7, NKJV

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The Little, Orange Box

In 2017, I’m putting some words into this box:

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I’m going to leave them all year, and next Christmas, I’ll open the box and see how I did. It’s  a little intimidating.

It’s my way of treasuring Jesus. It’s what I’m giving Him this year.

My pastor gave me this idea, and he explains it far better than I ever could.

If you could give Jesus something in 2017, what would it be? If you should decide to write it down, I’d love to know.

❤️

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The First Lesson

The first lesson of the Year of Order is that I can’t expect any.

(Order, that is.)

I kind of love how God surprises me like that, even when it’s not, in human terms, what I would call a positive thing.

During a recent day when all manner of disorder was happening, which eventually culminated in a 15 mile trip taking 2 1/2 hours because of surprise bad weather, this thought came to me:

The curve ball has been thrown. It is in the air, and it’s coming at you. All you can do now is try to hit the ball.

Thank you, God. I’m clinging to that thought on disorderly days in 2017, and trusting You for help. And I’m clinging for life to all your promise, because You’re the Answer, the Key, to everything.

 

 

 

 

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